Being assertive might come naturally for some people, but for many of us, we need to work at it and learn how to become more assertive over time. Like any skill, it helps when we practice over and over again.
Here are some ideas to help you practice being assertive:
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Social support: It’s a lot easier to feel assertive if you have someone backing you up. If you’re going to have a difficult conversation where you’re worried you might become aggressive or passive, can you bring a friend or family member with you for moral support? If they can’t be there with you in-person, can they be on the phone or on a video call?
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Peer practice: If you can’t have someone accompany you and need to have the conversation on your own, ask someone you trust to practice with you ahead of time. Share what you’re planning to say and ask them for feedback. Ask them: do you sound clear, firm and respectful?
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Bring evidence: It helps to be more assertive if you have the facts to back up your case. That way it is clear you know what you’re talking about. Is there any data or evidence that you can bring with you? For example, maybe there are statistics or documents that will support what you’re saying.
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Use active language: One tell tale sign of being passive is using passive language. If you know what you’re saying to be true, avoid phrases like, “I think” or “I guess.” This language can undermine the point you’re trying to get across by making you sound unsure. If you’re writing an email, reread it before sending and scan for any of this language – or have a friend take a look.
